Local Café's New AI Bone-Dispensing Machine Hailed as 'Mostly Competent'

A cozy dog-friendly café in the city centre has installed what it calls 'the future of refreshment': an artificial intelligence-powered bone-dispensing kiosk that learns individual preferences and delivers treats based on facial recognition. On opening day, the machine correctly identified Terrier Tina and dispensed her favourite biscuit within three seconds. It then offered the same biscuit to every dog that walked past for the next hour.

'It's learning,' said café owner Margot Paws, a Golden Retriever with the optimism of someone who has invested considerable savings. 'By autumn, it will know the difference between a Labrador and a Spaniel. Probably.' The machine has already earned its keep by keeping everyone entertained: whether they're waiting for their bone or watching someone else's order get hilariously wrong, patrons haven't stopped smiling.

One user, Basil the Dachshund, reports that the machine has called him 'a small ermine' twice. 'I'm not offended,' Basil said, tail wagging. 'At least it's trying to think.' By next week, Margot hopes to have internet connectivity fixed. The machine currently runs on a motivational poster and good intentions.