Heat-Delayed Training Brings Out the Dash Sprinters in Elm Park

The Elm Park Dashers announced yesterday that they're shifting all summer training sessions to the witching hour, citing the relentless heat sweeping Europe and a dryer-than-usual English summer that's left the grass crunchy and the humans grumpy. "We tried running at noon last week," said team captain Biscuit, a long-haired spaniel with a floppy left ear. "By lap two, I was hallucinating kibble. By lap four, I just lay down in the shade and refused to move." The midnight training regime means the park will be illuminated only by phone torches held by devoted humans, which, the Dashers note, actually improves their chances of looking athletic while running in circles.

Coach Marmalade, a stocky beagle who drinks water like it's going out of fashion, admitted the heat was forcing tactical innovation. "We're calling it the 'Low-Energy Scramble Strategy,' and honestly, it's just an excuse to play slower and blame the weather," she said. The team expects the schedule to hold steady until either the temperature drops or they all decide to nap full-time, whichever comes first.

Early reports suggest the midnight games are attracting a new crowd of bleary-eyed fans who've given up on daytime activities. One attendee, a philosophical golden retriever named Gatsby, summed it up neatly: "I've got nothing else to do at midnight except eat and sleep. Might as well watch some pups run around looking confused."